They say “It takes a village” but what do you do if your village is…lacking? While children seem to be able to strike up friendships with anyone on the playground or in the same relative vicinity, making friends as an adult can be much more challenging. If you’re feeling a little discouraged or unsure of where to look for friends, here are some key tips for finding your next mom-bestie!
Go Where the Moms Are
Just like you wouldn’t go fishing in your bathtub, you can’t sit at home alone and expect friends to walk up to your door and ring the bell. Get out there and explore the local mom spots to see if you can find anyone you connect with! Just don’t forget to exchange contact information.
Places to Find Moms:
- The Library: Most libraries have tons of events and programs that can attract moms both with and without kids! Check their website or ask a librarian to see what is happening at your local branch.
- The Park: Some parks even have “peak hours” listed online so you can show up at local playgrounds right when you can expect a ton of other moms to be there! Bonus - the kids can play while you visit!
- Museums: Children’s museums are especially great for scoping out mom-friends!
- Church: If you are religious this can be an easy built-in opportunity to interact with other moms and possibly strike up friendships. Even if you aren’t religious some churches will have events or volunteer opportunities where you can participate and connect even if you aren’t worshiping with that congregation.
- School Events: If your child has become friends with someone in their class, it can be worth meeting their parents to see if there is an opportunity to double the fun! Playdates are always the best when both the kids and the moms are enjoying themselves.
- Facebook Groups: Many times you can find a local mom group on Facebook. They may have moms' night out events, or you can even post a shout-out to see if anyone would like to meet up somewhere.
Communicate
One of my best friends today is my friend solely because I walked up to her after church one day and said “I basically have a friend crush on you, do you want to be friends?” That might not be your style, but the basic idea of being straightforward can sometimes be the missing ingredient in many otherwise missed friendships! You never know who else is looking for a friend, or who may be willing to invest in a new friendship once you have verbally established your intentions.
Give 100%
In today’s age of awareness surrounding toxic relationships and the importance of boundary setting, it can be easy to inadvertently over-correct. While it’s important to not find yourself in a one-sided relationship, it’s equally important to not be stingy with your friendship investments either.
Establishing A Deeper Relationship with Friends:
- Text them: This can be something as simple as “Hey it was nice meeting you! Want to hang out again later this week?” or “I was at the store today and saw the cereal you were talking about and it totally reminded me of our conversation. We should hang out! Want to get together soon?”
- Send memes or reels: If you are connected on socials this can be a less direct but effective means of building a rapport and getting to know one another’s sense of humor a little better.
- Invite them to events: Do you see a local event through your library, parks department, or something else? See if they want to join you!
- Host play-dates: Inviting someone into your home is a great way to get closer and build up a budding friendship. Inviting their children to come along too can be a great excuse to get together and keep the kids entertained while you’re at it!
- Plan nights out: Sometimes moms need to remember we are more than “just” moms. Instigating a night out can be a great way to get to know each other as people outside your parenting roles and see if there’s a deeper friendship there.
- Drop-off treats: While there are probably people out there who don’t appreciate a plate of cookies, I’ve never met them. It can be nice to drop off a quick treat now and then to let someone know you’re thinking of them. It doesn’t have to be cookies!
- Ask for help/advice: This tip must be followed within reason. But being vulnerable can be a great way to solidify connections with others. This could look like asking for a babysitter, advice on an outfit, or volunteers for an event.
Consider Non-Moms (or Moms of Different Ages)
Fellow parents are great for friendships because they “get” it. If your kiddo is running wild or sporting a chronic runny nose, chances are they will know where you’re coming from and be right beside you with their own struggles. It can be a relief knowing that your friends won’t resent you for child interruptions or child-centered schedule limitations. However, by limiting yourself to only friends who are also moms you may be missing out on an important untapped resource. Some of my closest friends are childless for a variety of reasons, and the love, support, and friendship I receive from them is invaluable. 
Potential Benefits of Non-mom or Different-age Mom Friends:
- They spoil your kids: As a mom, your kids are a huge part of your life so seeing someone love them can be really sweet. Not having children of their own, or children who are already grown may mean they have a little more time/energy/financial means to love on yours.
- They love you for you: These friends are not friends with you because your kids get along with their kids, they’re friends with you because they like YOU.
- They help you get out of your comfort zone: It’s easy to fall into a routine as a parent, and it can be difficult to veer away from your usual activities. These friends have an interest and awareness of activities you might not seek out beyond the veil of your current stage in parenthood.
- They can be great with pep talks: These friends see everything you do for your kids. If they don’t have children of their own they have no level of personal experience/bias. If they have older children they can speak from a place of love and experience. They can be great at praising the things they see you doing right when other parents in the same place may be just as jaded as you.
- They offer another perspective: Whether they don’t have children of their own, or they have already been through where you are now- it can be nice to have another set of eyes seeing things from a different place when you are feeling sad, discouraged, or unsure of what to do.
Takeaway
Making friends as a mom can be difficult, but it’s not impossible! Chances are there are lots of other moms in your community who are in the same boat you are, looking for friends! Sometimes all it takes is a little effort, perseverance, and genuineness to turn an acquaintance into a dear friend.
